| Monday, May 11th, 2009 |
| 4:02 am |
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| Sunday, March 29th, 2009 |
| 2:27 am |
Growing up...
I suppose part of getting older is seeing an ex-girlfriend's son's penis via ultrasound uploaded to Facebook. Current Mood:  shockedCurrent Music: Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up to Boston |
| Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 |
| 11:48 pm |
~*The President*~
I watched PRESIDENT OBAMA (still not getting over saying that) address Congress tonight and a few things came to mind. First, isn't it a shame Hillary worked so hard to get far in life yet wound up as a Secretary? Har de har har! Secondly, the President was 10 minutes late tonight. 200 years of civil rights struggles and y'all are still running on CPT*? Really? Third, if I were a Democrat running for a seat in Congress, I'd save that speech on my DVR in case all this crazy spending pays off so I could show my incumbent Republican opponent not applauding America in my campaign commercials. *Colored President Time Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Alice in Chains - Sickman |
| Saturday, February 14th, 2009 |
| 9:38 pm |
Wine poetry
Courtesy of my Wine Page-A-Day calendar: All love at first, like generous wine,
Ferments and frets until 't is fine. -Samuel Butler Current Mood:  boredCurrent Music: Ted Nugent - Stranglehold |
| Monday, February 2nd, 2009 |
| 12:40 am |
Super Bowl Snack Ensemble
For Pittsburgh (booooo) I took a pound of kielbasa, cut it into 1/2-inch medallions, brought a can of beer to simmer in a skillet, then cooked the kielbasa 3 min. per side and served with a sauce consisting of a jar of chili sauce, 8 oz. crushed pineapple (drained), and 3/4 cup brown sugar. For Arizona (yaaaaay) I made jalapeno poppers. About a pound of peppers halved and seeded, stuffed with cream cheese mixed with shredded cheddar. Dip em in milk, roll em in flour, let dry. Then dip in milk, roll in breadcrumbs. Fry in oil for about 3 minutes, serve. Also for the main dish, an Arizona-influenced chili. Onions cooked til translucent in veggie oil (plus my secret ingredients of garlic and shallots), add a shitload of juicy ground chuck, then the seasonings, plus kidney beans and green peppers. As one of the guests said: "Neil, you know what this chili needs? Nothing. It's beautiful, baby." Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: Hybrid - This is What U Need Mix |
| Saturday, January 10th, 2009 |
| 8:26 pm |
With apologies to Erik...
Pork chops cooked in butter, topped with a fried egg, drizzled with white truffle oil. Current Mood: fullCurrent Music: The delicate sound of Kurt Warner getting saaaaacked. |
| Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 |
| 2:18 am |
Ohhhhh, a GYM.
So I've been getting my swole on at the gym for several weeks now. I'm back to my thrice-a-week formula for MUSCLE SUCCESS. It is balls-out hilarious how many newjacks are up in my shit a week after New Year's. I can't wait til March-ish when people get discouraged and clear the fucking parking lot. "Golly, I've been benching 30 lbs. for three weeks, why do I still look like Stephen Segal and not Jean Claude van-Damme?" Because you have a sit-out rather than a work-out. When you're able to flap your arms like a goddamned albatross on the shoulder thingie, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Work out like you hate your fucking body. Set the leg press to deuce-95, then drop the extra 2.5 and 5 lb. weights on it and fucking feel it. I sweat when I work out. I feel accomplished after my bench-press sets. TESTOSTERONE!!! brb, gotta shoot 100cc's of aggro directly into my ball sack. WHAT Current Mood:  drunkCurrent Music: Marilyn Manson - The Reflecting God |
| Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 |
| 11:28 pm |
Gotta love the NFL.
They rejected the request for Super Bowl credentials, but dammit they were just so polite about it, it's hard to take fault. Dear Neil:
We have received your request for accreditation to Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa Bay, FL. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate your request.
Super Bowl media accreditation decisions are based on several factors. Among the most important is the audience reached by the applying organization. Significant emphasis is also placed upon the amount of on-site coverage an organization provides an NFL club on a regular basis.
There is a large media contingent that cover NFL teams on-site each week throughout the season - games, practices and media availabilities - in addition to devoting significant resources throughout the year at other events, including the NFL Draft, training camps, and community appearances. Even for media that fall into this category, we are unable to accommodate all the requests we receive. But it's not all doom and gloom, as these two e-mails were in my inbox this morning: Florida Citrus Sports (FCSports) thanks you for your interest in covering the 2008 Champs Sports Bowl in Orlando. YOUR CREDENTIAL REQUEST HAS BEEN APPROVED. Florida Citrus Sports (FCSports) thanks you for your interest in covering the 2009 Capital One Bowl in Orlando. YOUR CREDENTIAL REQUEST HAS BEEN APPROVED. (emphasis in the original.) In the words of the Norm-MacDonald-voiced gingerbread man: SuhWEET! Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: Rolling Stones - Paint it Black |
| Monday, December 8th, 2008 |
| 5:03 pm |
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| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 |
| 2:14 am |
YouTube
Pools and unseasonable Florida weather do not mix. Cameo voice by me directing the dude holding the flashlight to "put it right on him" or whatever. Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: Ozzy Osbourne - Bark at the Moon |
| Monday, November 10th, 2008 |
| 2:13 pm |
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 |
| 4:22 pm |
Thoughts on the Election
Last night was sort of like Christmas except Santa is an alcoholic madman. While there was a pretty good chance you'd catch happy-drunk Santa early in the night and he'd leave you an XBox, there was a chance you'd catch mean-drunk Santa late and he'd come down the chimney and rape your mother and murder your dog. This morning, I'm so happy I'll be buying Call of Duty 4 under Obama/Biden than a rape kit under McCain/Palin. Current Mood: ecstatic |
| 4:19 pm |
Valencia Voice
The Nov. 5 issue in which I take pictures, shake Sen. Bill Nelson's hand, and welcome glorious socialism to American shores. Oh, and for some reason there's no sports section. That is probably because it was 6:30 in the fucking morning when we wrapped it up and we just plumb forgot. I'm sure it'll update soon with it added. Current Mood: shagged outCurrent Music: The Scorpions - Barack You Like a Hurricane |
| Saturday, October 25th, 2008 |
| 1:01 am |
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| Tuesday, October 21st, 2008 |
| 3:03 pm |
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| Monday, October 20th, 2008 |
| 3:07 am |
Positive Vibes and Crossed Fingers
I need everyone who reads this to think happy thoughts about the Valencia Voice and the Super Bowl because today the credential application goes live and goddamn I'd love for us to be one of 4,000 media outlets covering the game this season. Witchcraft, prayers to God, virgin/animal sacrifices... whatever it takes to get us in your deity's good graces, do it. Please. I need this. Current Mood: hopefulCurrent Music: Metallica - One |
| Sunday, October 19th, 2008 |
| 11:49 pm |
Free Month of Netflix
So I got these codes in the mail the other day. If you've been thinking about trying Netflix, why not try it for a month free? Go to Tell a Friend and enter one of these four codes: M298662092365 M278682092395 M298682392535 M218602392585 The offer expires Oct. 31, 2008, so get off your ass and get free stuff. Current Mood:  crankyCurrent Music: Pink Floyd - Have a Cigar |
| Friday, October 17th, 2008 |
| 3:01 am |
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| Friday, October 10th, 2008 |
| 2:12 pm |
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| Monday, October 6th, 2008 |
| 12:23 am |
I did stand-up tonight
And I'm sorry if you missed it, because (and I don't want to over-state things) I fuckin' killed. Also, I called out a line-jumper at Wal-Mart and some dudes behind me were like "Yeah that's pretty much the most awesome thing I've ever seen." And before all that I knocked out about 1,500 words on UCF football and women's soccer. All in all a good night, even if I did lose the women in the audience with my anal sex joke. Current Mood: accomplishedCurrent Music: Sepultura - Refuse/Resist (Live) |
lethargic